it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
