My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
