Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
