I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
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He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
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Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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