ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
