I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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