a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
