she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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