Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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