First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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