Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
honey bunches of taint.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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