there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she smelled like a LAN party
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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