when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
