I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
