He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
