I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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