Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
