I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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