Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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