idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
