I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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