were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
