Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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