Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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