my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?