Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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