I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
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Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is