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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.

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• (718): View more from New York

  im getting my college education on yahoo answers.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.

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  25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.

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  25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is

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