I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.