Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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