Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
