I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
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I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
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I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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