Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
A+ Viking dick
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
