You smell like a Billy Joel song
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
