How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
