somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
