Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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