I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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