You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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