I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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