Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
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Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
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My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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