Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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