no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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