i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
