Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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