I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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