You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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