My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
