Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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