My underwear smells like fireworks.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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