dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
