I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head