Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?