Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.