girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.