Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(519): View more from Ontario

and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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(787): View more from Puerto Rico

She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.

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(702): View more from Nevada

I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.

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(971): View more from Oregon

one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.

(706): View more from Georgia

i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...

(971): View more from Oregon

it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.

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These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Read it at the TFLN blog
(903): View more from Texas

The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party

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(907): View more from Alaska

She looks like a junkie muppet...awful

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book

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