I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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