her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I intend to get homeless drunk
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed