Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.