Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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