Moan for me like Helen Keller
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
